The Buddy System
Original Air Date:June 29, 2008
Written by:Doc Hammer
Dr. Venture, in a bid to make some much-needed money, opens up the compound as "Rusty's Day Camp for Boy Adventurers." But while children are kept busy with activities like judo lessons from Brock and quizzing with Master Billy Quizboy, the Monarch sends in the Murderous Moppets to spy on his former arch-nemesis.
We open with an advertisement for Rusty's Day Camp for Boy Adventurers. The largest day camp for budding super scientists in the area! Learn lots of stuff from the likes of Billy Quizboy, Action Johnny and of course Rusty Venture, star of the Rusty Venture cartoon!
Roll super short opening, which is just spattering the screen with blood followed by the Venture Bros. logo.
Inside the compound there are a ton of kids walking around with day camp t-shirts. Brock notes that Doc is ripping them all off, even going as far to charge them $20 to get their picture taken with a cardboard cutout out Dr. Venture. On top of the $200 enrollment fee.
Just then the moppets, dressed as campers, stop by the table asking when they're going to get some food. Dr. Venture tells them to buy an $8 from the vending machine.
Dr. Venture: Wowsies, some people just shouldn't breed. Those are some ugly kids.
Brock: Kids? You're kidding, right? They're achondroplastic dwarfs.
Dr. Venture: They're almost as good as you or I and they deserve this camp as much as any other kid here. You're such a racist.
Brock: It's not really a race, Doc.
Dr. Venture: Will you listen to yourself?! Hitler.
Billy, meanwhile, is trying to convince some campers that being a quizboy is pretty awesome. One of them points out that Billy isn't actually a boy, which of course hurts Billy's feelings since he's neither boy nor adventurer. No worried though since Billy predicts that the camper will soon be joining him among the Quizboy ranks.
The pirate captain, meanwhile, is conducting his own seminar.
Pirate Captain: We can't all be famous adventurers. That doesn't mean you have to be out of the adventure game altogether.
Camper: You mean becoming super villains?
Pirate Captain: Shiver me timbers, no!! I'm talkin' about the rubber mask set. The little guys.
Camper: Do we get to wear cool costumes?
Pirate Captain: You bet you do! If you run a museum you get yourself a glowing suit of armor! Wanna protect your gold from meddling kids? You might try a ghost miner forty-niner. Look at me, I look like Johnny Depp! [the kids cheer in approval] Oh and that's not all! Sometimes you get to hang out with people who were famous once. Like Cher, and the guy who did the voice for Inspector Gadget.
Meanwhile it's revealed that the Monarch is pulling the strings of the moppets who are snacking and looking at t-shirts. Dr. Girlfriend calls down to him (he's watching them via one of his inexplicable hidden cameras) asking where the moppets are and if he's arching Dr. Venture when he's not supposed to. However the conversation quickly turns towards her new costume when she comes downstairs as Dr. Mrs. The Monarch. The Monarch is worried that her cupcakes will fall out.
Back at camp one of the older, and larger, campers walks over to Hank and Dean. Dean is highly freaked out, having never seen a teenager before, and decides to run away.
Dermott: Your mom made you come to this loser-con too?
Hank: I don't have a mommy.
Dermott: So what? I don't have a dad. He was in black ops; probably went undercover to kill somebody. Hey what was that nerdy kid's problem?
Hank: Oh that's my brother Dean. He's never seen another teenage boy before.
Meanwhile yet another booth is set up. It's Action Johnny!
Jonny: Hey how many of you got fathers out there? Show of hands? You! Why is your hand not up, man? What, no father? You don't look like Jesus, bro-
Camper: My dad died. While I was sleeping.
Jonny: Oh well you had a father. Well now you're fuckin' free, man! Let's go, come on, I wanna see those hands up! Oh wait, Action Johnny's hand isn't up. Why is that? Does he not have a father? NO!!! Fathers are caring and protective men, and I don't have one of those! No, no, but who cares?! Who cares who cares who cares who cares!!! Maybe I did kill the dog, alright I was the lizard man who stole your precious serum you loved that serum more than you loved me!! FATHER!!! FAAAATHER!!!!
Brock: [watching from behind the crowd] I liked him better when he was strung out. Poor bastard, I can't believe you got him to do this.
Dr. Venture: I know! You should read his rider. He requested twenty bars of Lever 2000, one bottle of Crystal, one bottle of Don Paragon and two cases of Tropicana Twisters.
Brock: [laughs] Right. Right, who was that, Van Halen?
Dr. Venture: No that was Sean Puffy Combs Daddy.
Hank: [runs up to them] Hey pop! Can I show my new friend my bedroom? I never had a friend in there. You know pop, I've never even had a friend-
Dr. Venture: Hank! Stop calling me pop! If these kids find out that their hero has had sex their heads will explode!
Hank: But I wanna show my new friend-
Dr. Venture: This isn't all about you, Hank. These kids wanna see Rusty Venture. Maybe when there's a cartoon called 'The Venture Brothers' it'll be different.
[Hank looks very dejected]
Brock: Hey Hank, I could sure use your help with my judo class. I, can't do it without your Akim.
Hank: I'll go change! Into my gi! [he runs off]
Brock: Smooth, doc.
Dr. Venture: Wait 'til you have kids of your own.
Meanwhile at yet another (less popular) seminar the Order of the Triad is giving pointers on how to be safe. The focus, in particular, seems to be on radon, which Dr. O notes can enter from the ground and is probably waiting for you at your home. Al notes that it can give you ling cancer, even if you don't smoke! Hey, speaking of smoke, maybe you should have a smoke detector in every room... with fresh batteries. They finish their schpiel and take a bow, though sadly it's to an empty audience.
Jefferson: When did we lose them?
Dr. Orpheus: That was my fault. I really hit them with that radon part.
The Alchemist: We never get to my song!
Brock, meanwhile, is teaching the kids about judo. Dermott, sitting behind everyone and not appearing very interested, starts taunting Brock. Brock is totally floored by Dermott and turns his back to avoid further confrontation and probably continue his class. Dermott tells him that he'd 'better walk away'. Brock is now totally flabbergasted and informs Dermott that he's not going anywhere when a tour bus/cart thing being driven by Billy pulls up. All the campers pile into the cart to take the tour.
Dr. Venture: What was that out there?
Brock: Tha- that kid was pushing my buttons hard. I- I wanted to beat on him.
Dr. Venture: Don't even think about it, I'm uninsured! Go cool down. You look like you're gonna pop a blood vessel.
Brock: Yeah, yeah... I don't know what's got into me.
The cartbus pulls away and Brock and Dermott stare each other down.
The Monarch, in the meantime, is berating the moppets for failing to get on the tour.
The Monarch: What are you two idiots doing?! Get on that golf cart thing! Now!!
Dr. Girlfriend: Sweetie, calm down! Honestly!
The Monarch: It's a tour of the compound! That idiot Dr. Venture is about to open his shirt and tell me where to stick the knife!
Dr. Girlfriend: You're arching.
The Monarch: I'm seizing an opportunity. Now how do you do a screen capture? It's like shift option- augh!! Oh! Crap I made an umlaut.
On the tour meanwhile Doc is explaining the rules of the tour:
Dr. Venture: Hey! We're gonna use the buddy system! The person seated next to you is your buddy! Say 'hi' to your buddy!
Campers: [all at once] Hi, buddy.
Dr. Venture: If you touch something that melts your fingers off, tell your buddy. If you get a face full of burning hydrofluoric acid it's your buddy that drags you to one of the many eye wash stations. Any questions?
Camper: When do we get to met Rusty?
Dr. Venture: [sighs] I'm Rusty Venture. Why can't you kids wrap your heads around that?
Camper: What happened?
Dr. Venture: I left Neverland so I could marry Wendy, what do you think happened? Any good questions?
[Dermott raises his hand]
Dr. Venture: Yes, the kid that's bigger than everyone else.
Dermott: Yeah it's Pat. Pat McCrotch. Yeah is this gonna suck the whole time or is this like the only part that sucks? I just wanna gauge how much suck I've gotta friggin sit through.
Dr. Venture: Any real questions about the tour? Okay the blond boy.
Hank: Uh yes, Walter. Walter Melon. Is this gonna be doo-doo stupid or-
Dr. Venture: Walter! Walter is it? Yes. Locked in your room for two weeks with nothing to eat but potatoes. And no car. Ever.
Hank: What does that have to do with-
Dr. Venture: Oh what? I'm sorry I thought you asked me how long your father is going to punish you.
Brock, meanwhile, has sought out advice from from Dr. O:
Dr. Orpheus: Sooo, anybody that doesn't immediately give you respect, you murder.
Brock: No. No. Well, I mean I don't always kill them or anything, just like a bruise or two as a little reminder. I mean, until this kid!
Dr. Orpheus: Just talk to him! When you treat a young man like an adult he acts like an adult.
Brock: If he was an adult I'd kick his ass.
Dr. Orpheus: You can't stoop to their level.
Brock: Yeah that's true but... another kid could, right?! No! I know where you're going with this! Yeah! I could get another kid to beat him down!! [he laughs and runs away]
Dr. Orpheus: Not even close!
Brock: Don't bother I'm not listening!
Dean has come across Action Johnny and is asking for his autograph. However when Jonny realizes who Dean is he offers to take him away from his life. However Brock shows up at this moment and takes Dean somewhere. Action Johnny just laughs in order to not have his ass beaten by Brock.
The tour has now reached the E-Den! A fully enclosed, self-sustaining biological environment designed to prepare a single male and female astronaut for long term space inhabitancy. It's very dirty (Dr. Venture notes that his father died before he taught him to care) and Billy and Dr. Venture struggle with the rusted door. When they finally do get it open there's a dark, spooky jungle inside. As they are walking a gorilla runs beside in the distance before concealing himself in the flora again. One of the campers is about to touch a strange flower when Dr. Venture notes that it will make him sterile.
Billy points out a strange getup near them:
Dr. Venture decides this is a great time to get the hell out of the E-Den when the gorilla from before jumps in front of them. He is large and angry looking.
The gorilla roars and and all the campers run away. Doc and Billy stay behind.
Dr. Venture: It's okay, I've talked to a gorilla before. I know their language. [approaches the gorilla] Koko! Fine animal person gorilla. Browse polite nipple there hurry. [the gorilla roars loudly] Sound bad! Billy! Billy I need a kitten.
Billy: Why do you need a kitten?!
Dr. Venture: They like kittens. [the gorilla is smelling him]
Billy: Careful, they can smell fear.
Dr. Venture: Can they smell urine?
Billy: That's like liquid fear!
[Dermott and Hank are hiding behind a bush]
Dermott: Pretty much knew this was gonna happen. That's why I keep this little Betty ready to play [he pulls out a handgun]. The SMK Wesling S-2.
Hank: Cool beans. Is that a [whispering] BB gun?
Dermott: Pellet, douche! Spring firing! Like I need a CO2 cartridge going off in my pants. [he aims the gun] Mr. Action has just joined the service.
[Billy is on his hands and knees acting like a kitten]
Billy: Meow, I'm a pretty kitten. Meow. This isn't working and I don't know why you think it would!! [he gets shot in the ass with a pellet] Ow!! Son of a bitch!!!
The gorilla pushes Dr. Venture aside (actually more like throws him across the E-Den) and grabs Billy, holding him above the ground by his robotic arm. Doc and the rest of the campers run out of the building. Tour's over!
In his room Brock is attempting to train Dean who is not very good at punching. Brock finally gets frustrated and asks where Hank is. Dean tells him he went on the tour. Brock contacts Doc who informs him that, yes, Hank is alive. We cut back to the E-Den exterior where Dr. Venture has closed the door. Billy is pounding on the door as he apparently managed to get away from the gorilla. Dr. Venture opens the door and Billy stumbles out. He is bloody and beaten and his robotic arm is missing.
Billy: I jettisoned the hand and got away. I wasn't alone in there, we lost one. [he is holding a small sneaker]
Dr. Venture: Well who was his buddy!? He had a buddy, they all had buddies!!
Billy: No see, I saw a little kid get disemboweled.
Dr. Venture: You always wanted to be an adventurer. Not like answering trivia, is it boy? Okay, this is what's gonna happen. I'm gonna tell the kids that the ape was a man in a costume and never speak of this again. Now give me that shoe.
At the Monarch residence the Monarch and Dr. Mrs. The Monarch are having dinner or lunch or something. The Monarch comments on how he can't believe the moppets missed the tour. Dr. Girlfriend is annoyed because he sent her moppets out to arch his former enemy. They'll be getting a new arch-nemesis soon enough. The Monarch complains that he doesn't want to arch just anyone, he wants to arch Dr. Venture!
Via the moppet spy cam the Monarch notices that they are talking with Brock. Apparently he wants to take out a hit on a certain camper:
Tim-Tom: You want us to make him suffer? Or just end it quick and quiet-like.
Brock: No, no, no, nothing permanent. Just like give him a little taste of fear. And, I guess you could break something small. Like a toe.
Tim-Tom: We could take out his tongue.
Kevin: With a knife.
Tim-Tom: Remove his heart.
Kevin: Yeah with a knife!
Tim-Tom: A bigger knife.
Kevin: Fuckin' knife!
Brock: Yeah, you guys are, uhhh, you're kinda creepy. I think this might be a stupid idea. [into Tim-Tom's beanie propeller] Yeah hey, uh, Monarch you wanna call the spooky twins home before I throw them there?
The Monarch: Ahhh! Crap! [he dives to the ground]
Dr. Girlfriend: He can't see you.
The Monarch: Get down!!
Brock: Oh, and Doc really misses you idiots. I'm pretty sure he cries himself to sleep at night.
The Monarch: He does?
The Monarch: Really?
The big show of the day at the camp appears to be a huge play with Brock, the Triad and the Pirate Captain as supporting cast members and Action Johnny as the star. Well, Action Johnny and special guest star. Except Action Johnny doesn't like 'and special' anything. Who could the guest be?
The moppets are on their scooter headed home and being berated by the Monarch- oh hey, it's Sgt. Hatred on his way to arch Dr. Venture. This could be interesting, right?
In the audience at the play Triana finds Dean who is rather jumpy. He's worried about Dermott finding him and also annoyed because he is 'rude'. On cue Hank and Dermott arrive and sit down next to Triana and Dean, with Dermott of course mocking Dean the entire time.
Just then Doc comes running up to the stage, slipping on his way up though Brock catches him before he falls. Al berates Dr. Venture for being late (he says he was cooking up something in the lab), noting that they've been keeping the crowd busy with safety tips.
Just then a very familiar man walks on stage causing Jonny to freak out:
Dr. Zin: Action Johnny! Come give your uncle Z a hug!
Jonny: What is this shit?! What is this shit man!? What is this some kind of a joke?! Did my father send you!? [he starts to weep and pound his fists on Zin]
Dr. Zin: Keep him off of me! He's all kinds of crazy!
Brock: Brock go cool Jonny off. Get him a Zima or something.
[Brock carries Jonny away, still crying hysterically]
Dr. Zin: Come now, Dr. Venture, you told me it would be all cool! Then I get here and Jonny's wired. [dramatic] Yes, Dr. Venture!! Wired like a time bomb attaches to a killer whale! Set to go off the moment your try to free yourself!!
[the crowd cheers, Zin takes a bow]
Dr. Zin: You never lose it. Seriously, you told me Jonny was clean now.
Dr. Venture: He's been dry for a month but he's been downing Xanax like they were Cheetos. He'll be fine. Just get in your little helicopter and do a few passes.
Dr. Zin: Okay. Can I shoot at him?
Dr. Venture: Iiiiiii don't think so.
Dr. Zin: How about scorpions? Can I drop scorpions on him?
Dermott: Yeah, I bet that foreign guy could totally trounce your dad's lover.
Dermott: Your dad's lover in the bunny suit. The one who picked Action Jonny up like he was gonna totally hump him!
Triana: Dude, do you have any idea what a dork you are? I mean any? You think you're all hardcore, but you are so Dave Matthews.
[Dean is starting to freak out]
Dermott: You're lucky you look like a Suicide Girl, because if you-
Dean: Nobody!! That's not how!!!
Dermott: Woooah, silent Sally speaks! [to Triana] Okay why don't you wait for me naked while I kick your boyfriend's-
Dean jumps out of his chair and blindsides Dermott, pushing him to the ground and then proceeds to start beating on his face. Dean is crying with snot running out of his nose and yelling things like "You are very rude!"
Dr. Zin: That child is a spinning murder top! Are you sure he's your son?
Dr. Venture: Dean!! Stop it righ-
Brock: No no no no, they're kids, they're kids! Why don't you just them them work this out? Yeah!!
Just then Sgt. Hatred arrives. He pulls his tank into the Venture Compound and a few of his henchmen jump out and begin to set fire to some of the bushes in the front of the compound. Brock immediately springs into action and beats one of Hatred's men's face to a bloody pulp. Hatred tells Dr. Venture to call off his mummy yeti since he's only doing some 'monkey business' level arching. Dr. Venture tells Brock to stop beating on the henchman because the suit is rented.
Just then Hatred is surrounded by campers who want to help out. They start kicking him in the shins. He notes that he's now allowed to be around sexy little children. Court order. Dr. Venture calls off the kids.
Sgt. Hatred: We gotta get on the same page here. I'm just pulling a Moses on some shrubs, it's rock bottom henching!
Dr. Venture: Well you can't just barge in and expect a hug! I'm running a day camp today.
Sgt. Hatred: My patoot! Says right here [reads clipboard] Wednesday, 5:30, menace Dr. Venture.
Dr. Venture: Let me see that. And I'm sorry about my man Brock. He's not as good with children as I am and they're getting to him. Okay, here's your problem. 5:30 a.m. A.M.!
Sgt. Hatred: Looks like a fancy p- alright fine. Malice Troop! Back in the hover tank! Private Schwa!
Pvt. Schwa: Sir?
Sgt. Hatred: Ask the gang where they want to stop for chow.
Pvt. Schwa: Sir, yes, sir!
Sgt. Hatred: I'm thinkin' lentil soup. See if Au Bon Pain is okay.
Sgt. Hatred: [sighs] So I'm just gonna take this off as an arch. If you could just sign here... there's a little space for comments, I guess you could say I was absolutely menacing, and-
Dr. Zin: Oh ho ho, this brew-ha-ha brings me back!
Sgt. Hatred: Get right out of town!! The Dr. Z! Aw man, I love your work. When you had Kaseem eaten by- a damn cheetah or something- the guy kills his own number two, that is priceless!
Dr. Zin: [dramatic] The fool! He made his last plunder!!
Sgt. Hatred: [laughs] This guy right here! Total pro! Aw, I, I gotta get a picture. Private Tilda!
Pvt. Tilda: Sir, yes, sir!
Sgt. Hatred: Get the surveillance equipment!
We next get a montage of photos. Hatred with Zin, Dean with Triana, Brock with Dermott, Pirate Captain with Hatred's men, Jefferson with a Rusty Venture t-shirt, Hank with a bloodied Billy, Dr. O and the Alchemist making a camper float, Dr. Venture.
It's now late night at the compound. Parents are picking up their kids. Pete has picked up Billy and asks Brock to keep and eye out for his hand. I'm sure it'll turn up. The final parents come up to Brock:
Father: Have you see our son, Kyle?
Dr. Venture: Ahh, there you are! I've got your sweet boy here.
Dr. Venture is holding a squishy looking child wrapped in a towel.
Father: You sure he's okay? He's limp, and did you-
Dr. Venture: We shaved his head for the sack race. Wind resistance. Yeah, first place. Then in boy adventurer tradition we poured victory plasma over him. Ha, ha, good fun. He'll be fine.
[the parents take their boy and walk off]
Brock: You didn't.
Dr. Venture: Oh please. You should have seen that kid's DNA. He was a ticking time bomb of cancer. I cleared that up. Trust me, they'll thank me after they re-potty train him.
Hank and Dermott are talking about shampoo and Certs (which apparently make napalm) when Dermott's mom pulls up to pick him up. Dermott says he'll hang out with Hank later and they drive off. In the car Dermott's mother is only seen in sillouette.
Dermott's Mom: Dermott sweetie, did you meet him?
Dermott: Pssh, yeah. He was okay. You sure he's my real father?
Roll end credits.
Outside casa de Monarch:
Tim-Tom: How did we do, mum?
Dr. Girlfriend: Just as I asked. My little moppets were perfect as always. Come give your lady a hug!
Tim-Tom: I like the new costume, mum.
Kevin: I like hugging you in your new costume.
Dr. Girlfriend: Okay you two time to stop.
- The fine print in the Rusty's Day Camp ad says:
Camp size has been estimated based on a survey conducted in 1978. All camps created after cited survey have not been taken into consideration. Rusty's Day Camp is a privately owned camp. Therefore any and all children residing on the premises are to be considered trespassers. Rusty's day camp holds the right to prosecute any or all trespassers that do not uphold the rules and regulations stipulated in the supplied document entitled "I'm A Good Day Camper".
- Speaking of that opening sequence, according the Jackson:
"[A]ll the photos at the beginning of "The Buddy System" are of Doc, me or my brother circa 1977. Because you can't put pictures of other people who were children in 1977 on TV unless you can track them down and get them to sign a release form, no matter how public a place your dad snapped the photos in."
- The Pirate Captain notes meeting 'the guy who voiced Inspector Gadget, who was actually Don Adams who was probably most well known for playing Maxwell Smart on the 1960's series Get Smart. Adams passed away in 2005.
- For whatever reason Action Johnny, in spite of very clearly being Jonny Quest, is spelled 'Johnny' throughout this episode instead of Jonny as it was actually spelled both in the original Jonny Quest series and in previous episodes (he is listed as 'Jonny Quest' in Twenty Years to Midnight). While Cartoon Network does own the rights to Jonny Quest its conceivable that they no longer wanted the Venture Bros. to use character names. For example Race Bannon appears in The Invisible Hand of Fate but it only called 'Red' by Hunter, and later in this episode Dr. Zin appears but is never called Dr. Zin by anyone and appears in the credits as 'Dr. Z'.
- Dr. Venture notes something about Jonny's 'rider'. This is a document supplied by someone's PR firm or manager which lists a bunch of requests that the person or band has for what should be in their dressing room and sometimes in their hotel rooms. The Smoking Gun recently published a crapload of them. Specifically Dr. Venture mentions Puffy Combs' list, which indeed includes everything he mentioned (and more).
- Dr. Venture's ramblings about talking to gorillas is a reference to probably the most famous gorilla, Koko who is famous for learning sign language as well as keeping pet cats (hence Dr. Venture saying he needed a cat).
- On top of Jonny Quest and Race Bannon we have now met the infamous Dr. Zin, the arch-nemesis of Dr. Benton Quest. Dr. Zin appeared in four episodes of the original Jonny Quest series (the only villain to appear in more than one episode). Zin is likely partly inspired by the James Bond villain Dr. No, and in spite of being generally racist (as certain portions of the Jonny Quest series ended up being) he was actually much more toned down than most other Asian villains in other shows and in the Jonny Quest show. Zin is most famous for creating the robotic spider in the episode The Robot Spy which of course was later parodied by the Venture Bros. in Fallen Arches.
- Wilhelm Scream Alert: When Brock jumps the first of Hatred's henchmen the infamous scream is heard. This is (I believe) the first time the infamous sound has been used in season three.
- For those paying attention you should note that Sgt. Hatred's two named henchmen in this episode were Pvt. Tilda and Pvt. Schwa. As reader Delano pointed out to me: "If true, it would mean, in conjunction with Pvt. Schwa, that Hatred has a strange affinity for henchmen with linguistics-related names."
- The identity of Dermott's father will no doubt be a point of contention for as long as his identity remains a secret. However we can narrow it down to a few people based on Dermott interacting with them. During the course of the episode Dermott had major interactions with Hank, Dean, Dr. Venture and Brock. He also had some smaller interactions with Billy, and he certainly likely met Dr. O, Al, Jefferson and Action Jonny. The last group seems unlikely since none of them actually talked to or interacted with Dermott on screen. Billy's interaction was brief and limited to Dermott shooting him in the ass with his pellet gun and driving the tour bus Dermott was riding. On a similar note it's pretty safe to say that Hank and Dean are not his father unless some very strange forces are at work.
So that leaves Dr. Venture and Brock. Both are possible, however Brock is hinted at the most. Dr. Venture saying 'wait until you have kids' early in the episode was a possible allusion of things to come. Brock's interaction and dealings with Dermott was also played up whereas Dr. Venture's was limited to one line. The thought of Brock also hiring someone to hurt his own son, or allowing Dean to beat on his own son, are fairly humorous. Finally, Dermott's line about his father being in the black ops is a possible reference to Brock being a secret agent. Time will tell of course.